Deans angel
by BreathSlowAndHeavy
Summary: Dean finally gets his angel, but Sammy seems to keep getting in the way. typical Destiel fluff. rated M because i'm not sure how this is going to go ;
1. Chapter 1

Dean could feel Cas watching him, his eyes following every movement he made as he worked on his baby, usually he would feel creeped out by a guy watching him like this. Dean came to realise Cas wasn't watching him, but studying him. He could feel Cas's eyes trace the line his hands were making, study the movements of his topless back against the sun. But he didn't care. He wanted Cas to look; something inside of him begged him to look more, feel more, touch. He wanted to physically feel his hands run over his body, through his hair and wrap around him. Dean wanted Cas's lips on his, he wanted to kiss Cas's neck, see what was hiding beneath that trench coat which really shouldn't be worn in this weather, and he wanted Cas. He couldn't point out why, hell he didn't care anymore. He'd felt this way about the angel for far too long and Dean loved it when Castiel looked at him liked this; he loved to be taken in by those eyes.

Fuck it, Dean thought to himself, I have to tell him.

" Cas, I need to talk to..." but as he turned around, leaving his baby behind him he realised Cas was no longer where he was but directly behind Dean, not quite touching, but enough to send noticeable shivers through Deans body, like Cas wouldn't notice that.

"talk... oh. You're there, right ermm... do you remember the whole 'personal space' conversation we had? Take it into account" He felt regret as he verbally pushed Cas away, it wasn't what he wanted. They stopped for a moment, just looking at each other, Dean giving that half awkward smile and trying to look anyplace but at the man he wanted, Cas loved that smile, it's all it took for Cas to make his final decision. He was going to do it now; he was going to tell this mortal man what he thought of him.

"Yes Dean, but I understand that humans do not care for personal space when it is around a person that they... that they hold large amounts of feelings for." Cas could feel his vessels face heat up, he did not want this, he was a straight man, but Cas could not care for him, he was grateful for his use, but he cared only for the tall, rugged man stood before him.

Dean wasn't really sure how to respond to this, he knew this was the angels way of saying 'dean I love you, now let's make out'. But he wasn't sure if that's what was meant to happen, was he meant to admit he felt the same, or just pull the damn angel in for the kiss that he so longed for. He couldn't speak; he just chucked out garbage, syllables.

"Cas, I, ermm, you,... eh.. I garh..." He felt sorry for Cas after admitting how he felt and he couldn't even reciprocate it in words. He only had one other option, and this he knew he was good at, his he could get right.

" You know what Cas? Fuck it, come here" if the angel had time he would of looked shocked and absolutely confused but instead he felt Deans hands grab his coat and pull him in close, he felt his lips touch Deans and stiffened. Dean knew how to take care of this.

" relax Cas, I'm not going to bite you. Actually, I can't promise that" and with a wink he pulled the angel back in and kissed him, teased Cas's lips with his teeth prying his mouth open to slowly allow him to explore the angel more. Dean new this was all knew to the angel but he had to learn sooner or later and Dean had had enough of waiting for him. Cas finally gave in, and Dean could finally feel himself being studied the way he wanted, he let the angel kiss him back.

'damn he's good at this' he thought to himself as the angel pushed back against his baby. Deans hand took control of themselves taking familiar routes around another one's body to get what he wanted, although he what he wanted. The feeling inside hi grew as the kiss went on for longer, became more passionate, quick, more fierce. His trench coat thrown to the ground he was now working on that damn tie, he loosened it and took it off. Dean was about to throw it to the ground when he realised he could have more fun with this.

" Cas" dean managed to breathe out as he pulled away from the kiss. He hooked the tie around the back of the angels' neck.

" Cas, what, what's happening here?"

" I believe we are engaging in what is known as the activity of kissing yes?" Cas looked confused and slightly hurt. He wasn't sure if this was what was meant to be going on or if Dean was toying with him.

" No I mean... never mind." He pulled him back with the tie and this time Cas took no time in joining in. He'd relaxed fully now his hands exploring the pathways on Deans back that his eyes had mapped out only a few moments ago. Dean was ripping Cas's shirt of now, throwing it away eager to get his hands back on his angel.

His angel he thought to himself. He spun around so he was leaning into Cas with his angel against his baby. He pushed against him allowing Cas to understand what he wanted, he let himself be pushed into the angels leg, and Dean felt him back. The pace of the kiss quickened, teeth biting, tongues exploring, hands wandering. Wrapped around each other there was nowhere else in the world, no one else, only them. They had wanted this for so long. Ignorant to the world they didn't hear the warning.

"I really, really should have seen this coming, guys come on please. Break apart." That command they followed they broke apart instantly recognising the voice. Their faces flushed red, and in an instant Cas had vanished leaving his coat and shirt behind, tie still hanging in Deans hand.

His hand reached up behind his neck rubbing it awkwardly, that smile again, but for a different reason.

"ermm... heya Sammy." He replied, cautious of how this could end.


	2. Chapter 2

The conversation between the two brothers was an awkward one, and not one Dean was willing to have. He'd just been caught in an intimate situation with Castiel in which his brother had walked in on.

"Dean, what was that?"

"That Sammy was me sticking my tongue down Castiels' throat. Happy answer?"

Sam was admittedly a little taken aback. He knew what his brother could be like, but he rarely snapped at him.

"Sammy, I'm sorry... I... This isn't the usual situation."

"I know Dean, just. Let's just move on, I think we have a case."

Sam took Dean inside to explain about another case of vampires. Dean barely paid attention, his mind was off, flourishing in thoughts of Castiel and the experience with him he had just had. His mind wondering back to that moment he gave up trying to stop feeling this way, back to the time it had been just him and Cas. Sam had gone out to the library, and Cas was watching over him, and they did nothing but talk, and actually talk. Cas didn't do any of his mysterious crap, and cryptic nonsense. He sat and talked, and Dean loved it. He remembers how his hair had looked, how in the first time for a while Cas didn't look haggard, his eyes didn't look sad. He sat and a had one, or two, or maybe a few beers with Dean.

"Dean, are you even listening?" Sam signed, knowing full well what the answer was going to be, but he couldn't sit and watch as his brother went off of on some day dream about Castiel. Again, it started to happen too often. He wasn't aware that it was Castiel that Dean went off on a day dream about; he had his feelings, but could never be certain. Until this afternoon anyway.

"Wha... What? Sorry Sammy. Vampires, stakes, kill the bastards. Got it." Dean didn't even care, he just wanted Castiel back, he wanted to carry that kiss on, wanted to see how far he could the angel to go. How much he could teach him...

Cas was talking to Sam in the corner of the room by the time Dean brought himself back to reality. He looked up wanting to speak to the angel so badly, but couldn't bring himself to do it. He was embarrassed.

"Dean! Ermmm... Hi?" Cas asked him questioningly, not sure what the usual procedure was for humans after an interaction like the one between Dean and himself.

"Hi. I've... I've gotta go...ermm bye" Dean felt his face burn red. Why couldn't he simply speak to the man he had just had his hands all over. It hadn't even been an hour since but he couldn't help but not look at the angel. Dean headed towards the door, but was stopped by Cas. He hadn't appeared in front of him, but simply grabbed his arm, preventing Dean from moving on. He wanted to leave, but he loved the grip that the angel had on him, the same hand that had hold of him earlier...

"No, I've gotta... bye." He grabbed the shirt nearest to him and pushed Cas off of him. He saw the hurt in Cas's eyes. He was confused, he couldn't seem to understand why Dean was acting as he was, and in all honesty Dean wasn't even sure himself.

"Dean, please...I don't... I don't understand how to carry this on. This is... it's new to me."

"yeah well, neither do I. Now back off."

Dean didn't mean to snap at Castiel, he really didn't. This was mostly his fault, if he recalled correctly he kissed the angel first.

"And... no angel magic stuff, appearing wherever I am. I don't want either of you around got that?"

With that Dean just slammed the door shut and went out to his baby. He could see himself and Castiel pressed against her, holding each other, pouring themselves into each other, he could feel tears forming in his eyes.

"the fuck are you crying for, you wimp."

He spoke to himself, ignoring the memories than shown replayed themselves in front of his eyes. He didn't know how to cope with the feelings he was experiencing. He just couldn't bring himself to admit that he loved the angel. He couldn't do that kind of commitment, especially in his line of work. It just didn't work. So Dean headed to a bar and fixed his problems the only way he could. He found comfort in the bottom of the bottle, forgetting that the only way home was to call Cas. He couldn't drive drunk.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean sat the bar, staring vacantly at the bartender who was obviously flirting with him. Her already low cut top was dangerously close to coming off, she was leaning over the bar, staring into his eyes, allowing her breasts to clearly be seen by him. Dean didn't notice, usually he would have this kind of girl in his back seat of the Impala by now. He started to imagine things in his head while she blabbed on about her day and how rough it had been with so many men hitting on her. Dean really couldn't care less. He started to imagine her in a room with him, she was there for one reason obviously, he tried her out in different outfits. Outfits being underwear but nothing got him, nothing caught his attention the way it should. Nothing about this girl excited him. Which was odd, she was his type, fairly pretty, skinny, fantastic knockers (as Dean would often put it), brown hair, blue eyes. He just couldn't seem to find her... attractive. Dean knew why, even if he was afraid to admit it to his self. The moment between him and Cas wasn't just a moment; he'd been craving it for months.

"Dammit Cas." He said to himself under his breath, forgetting completely that the bartender in front of him was still hopelessly trying to have a night with him. She'd cottoned on that Dean wasn't listening and her tone changed quickly.

"Cas? Who's Cas? Oh... I see. Pretty boy like you, it's obvious. You don't swing straight do you? Jesus, if you're not interested you could have just said. Dick." Pushing herself upright instantly, and redressing herself she walked away from Dean and started keeping an eye out for the next man that would catch her eye. She wasn't the kind of girl to be going home alone. He sat back against the bar stool and lined up his next few shots. One whiskey, two whiskeys, 3 whiskeys. Down in one shot. It wouldn't be long before he would start to feel the effect and start hitting on every girl in this room. He wanted to prove to himself he was straight and didn't love that damn angel. The drink started to kick in, the room was spinning and the room felt warmer. A lot warmer. He decided he would go take some money from people playing snooker. It wasn't hard, people are oblivious.

Dean had a good time, but he had managed to suppress the feelings inside of him, but he could still feel them there. They still got at him, the thoughts still ran through his mind. The alcohol simply weakened the strength of them.

3 hours later Dean had a pocket full of other men's cash and a head spinning out of control. There was no way he could drive home, he could barely walk straight let alone direct a car. He searched for his phone, wanting to call Sammy to come get him. All of his pockets were empty. "Fuck sake" he repeated to himself over and over again while his hands drunkenly searched through his pockets but his phone wasn't.

"bastard nicked it." Talking to himself he threw the bottle to the ground and walked outside. He sat outside on his baby for around an hour, feeling the cold air rush to his face, causing his vision to spin even more. Lying back on the car bonnet he looked up at the sky. Rare times like these did Dean every experience what was normal. His life never relaxed, and he never had time off. He couldn't have a normal life. Dean let the cold night air fill his lungs and closed his eyes. Just lying there in silence was bliss to Dean, he loved him and for the first time in months he relaxed. The alcohol still in his system he decided to drive home, the moon hung bright and low and full. He made a mental not to himself, something about werewolves. He clambered into the car, laughing at the fact he had more fallen into the car. The keys were already there, must have left them before he entered the bar. Dean turned the engine on, and turned his stereo up to full volume, rolled the windows all the way down and reversed out onto the road. Dean swerved across the road, not really caring what happened to him. For the first time in months that damn angel wasn't on his mind. Something kept him from going back to where they were staying; he just drove further and further. His mind started wondering. Dean had no idea where he was but he kept driving, he felt the emotions rise again, the memories of that day flooding through him. Everything felt more powerful. He drove faster, watching the trees run past him instead of watching the road. His foot pressed the accelerator as far as it would go, his speed climbing. The speed pulled the air out of the car making it hard for him to breath. Dean didn't care he just didn't want to feel anything now. All the pain he had gone through, the hurt, the loss, the abandonment, the murders, everything was too much for one man to live in a life time, and then he falls in love. Falls in love with someone who isn't even human. Dean lost control of himself, the music blaring out from the speakers, the wind pulling every last bit of air from his lungs, the world around him moving past at a ridiculous speed. Finally, he felt contempt. Dean started singing, singing at the top of his voice to whatever was playing. Still swerving on the road. The speed kept climbing, the thoughts still built in his head no matter what he did to avoid them. He couldn't take it. He knew he was going too fast, he knew if he was to crash he would die.

"Hell, that wouldn't be so bad now would it!" Dean shouted out to himself. Laughing at the idea of running his car into something solid, he started to contemplate it. This wasn't just about Castiel anymore, it was everything. It was his life. He couldn't take it anymore, it was too much. He kept his speed up, going faster and faster, everything was just a blur now, he couldn't see straight, his eyes were falling shut and the world around him temporarily disappeared.

"Sammy." He whispered and slowly brought the car down, trees around him started to take shape and the stars in the sky started to blink once again. He knew why he was here. Dean rested his head against the wheel, hands either side of where he placed himself. He couldn't take it anymore. He had no one, well sure he had Sammy. But what use is a brother when that isn't the form of comfort he needed. Dean needed someone to hold him when he cries and not tell anyone. He needed something stable, anything that wasn't going to leave him. The tears started to form behind his eyes, stinging against the cold air that had whipped them relentlessly in his speed. Dean knows what he needs, who he needs. He just doesn't know if he can.

"Cas... Cas please." Barely a whisper, the drops roll down his face yet he lets them fall.

"Please Castiel. I need... I need you. Please..." He drops his head into his hands, crying his heart out into his hands. He's so alone in this world, there's never anything to keep him sane. The world carried on around him as he wept. His cries for Castiel becoming louder until audible. He kept calling his name, begging for him until he felt something rest upon his shoulder, in this instance he looked up to his shoulder and saw a familiar hand half covered by a long coat.

"Hello Dean. Stop crying now. I am here."


End file.
